Meh.

The story has become so predictable and monotonous it bores me. 

De Tofste

"Imagine there's no heaven" 

- John Lennon

Well, I don't believe in heaven. I could not think of a place where every single person would be happy for eternity. Forever is such a long time, and it basically means that there will never ever be an end.

Your life ended. 

You believed in heaven. Thinking of the way your beautiful and amazing person lived your life, you must for sure have gone there. But then, I cannot simply envision you being happy in that thing called heaven. You weren't done living your life. You were only sixteen. You weren't done spreading joy like you always used to do. So if there would be a heaven, you wouldn't be done for forever. That could really not be making you happy, now could it?

No, for me, I rather think of your spirit being embodied by a shining star. Living, you kind of already were a star. You made people around you happy. You made people smile by just showing up. By simply calling their name. I can't think of a single person that did not like you. And even after you died you still created beautiful things. Grieving you brought so many young people together that before would have never imagined even talking together because of those dumb social rules of popularity. 

And did you see the immense amount of people at your funeral? If that doesn't mean you were a star, then, I don't know... At least you're a real star now. You can keep bringing your light forever. I know stars die too, but if yours dies, at least I know your work is truly done. 

But for now, I can just look up to the sky and see your comforting spirit. You can still always make smile, because you're still beautiful and there.

(Archive, 2006)

In love

I'm in love.

Since a couple of days, I've been walking around all day with this stupid smirk on my face. My bicycle wasn't working properly, the bus was late, and so was my train. But even that didn't bring my spirit down the slightest. It's freezing cold, but inside I'm all warm still. All these butterflies are flying around in such a fast pace their friction causes heat in my stomach.

While I'm writing this in my notebook (actually my day planner, but it was the only paper I had readily available) I'm standing in this enormous bus with an even more enormous crowd of students in it. Usually this would have gotten me cranky, but today not. No, don't even mind all those people in my personal space. Don't mind today that most of them have smells of sweat, internal gas, or wet dog. And I can't be affected by their bad moods or the fact that I will probably have problems reading my own writing (because of lack of space for holding my booklet or my pen steady) later when I'm typing it up (and I did, but it made me smile even more).

I can only feel the love today.

While writing this last sentence I'm smiling some more even again. It got me thinking of the Lion King theme song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aF4CWCXirZ8) and how today I wouldn't even mind having to listen to Elton John songs (or be disturbed by the fact that my Best Male Friend is listening to him now. Funny, he just told me via text while I was writing this. More smiles!). His songs are usually too happy for me.

You might wonder what happened some nights ago? Well, I was inside, curtains closed, curled up on my couch under a blanket, watching a movie. When I got tired and went to bed, I opened my bedroom window and then it happened: this tiny little snowflake fell on my nose. I looked outside, and oh yes! Snow! Lots of it! My favorite object of affection was back again. True love.

(Archive, 2010)